I've been left in charge for 4 weeks. I was doing well until a couple of days ago, but now failing miserably.

When I work a lot I tend to eat way too much junk. I can't remember my last proper meal. Today was my first trip to the supermarket in 2 weeks for actual food.

I had planned to get back on track thursday. Protein shake for breakfast. About an hour at work. Off to the chiro to make sure everythings in place to restart my exercise routine. Then I get back to work and....collapse. Rushed to the casualty department. So embarressing. I don't know what they injected me with but I still feel like crap. And I'm going to have to work most of the weekend to finish my benchwork and get my paperwork to something resembling managable.

Detox tomorrow, definately. Remove this fuzzy cloud from around my brain.

I am so angry right now. I have worked hard to be independant and in control of my life. But now I've reached a point where I have to wait. I have to rely on others. I can't change to light bulbs in my house (stupid rental house fittings), I can't  mow my lawn. And the biggest life changing thing that could happen in my life right now, I don't even get a say in when I get engaged. This feels insane to me.

The only thing I can control is my body. I'm failing to even control what goes into that at the moment. Eating is such a huge part of my social life.

I feel like an overprotected teenager again, I want to carve pictures into my body with the sharp end of a protractor. Scanning images of tattoos or surface piercings I could get helps. I wish I could go and do something crazy right now. But I am a planner. Planning envolves considering consequences. If I can consider the consequences of more piercings or  a tattoo, why do I have so much trouble considering what will happen after all the junk I eat?!